Following Airline Tragedy, Red Bull Will No Longer Give You Wings

The National Transportation Safety Board reached the conclusion of their investigation of flight 267 today, reporting that the aircraft’s left engine had suffered a catastrophic failure after a 6’2, 34-year-old man with wings crossed the plane’s flight path...

Elon Musk Creates Time Machine, Sends Tesla Cybertruck Into The Past

Photo by Andrey Grushnikov on Pexels.com When Elon Musk announced his plans to create a time machine back in April of 2016, many in the scientific community were skeptical of the entrepreneur’s ability to take on such a formidable task. Despite the reservations, many in attendance at the press conference waited curiously as he took … Continue reading Elon Musk Creates Time Machine, Sends Tesla Cybertruck Into The Past

ICE Detainees Break Into Finely Choreographed Song And Dance Number

Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com In what has been described as a “rare and fantastic phenomena”, detainees at an ICE facility in Arizona broke into a seemingly flawless song and dance number early Sunday morning. Approximately at 7:15 in the AM, ICE employees became baffled when they observed the migrants begin to shuffle their … Continue reading ICE Detainees Break Into Finely Choreographed Song And Dance Number

Bathroom Graffiti Leads To Existential Breakthrough

Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric on Pexels.com What started as a questionable choice in food last evening, turned out to lead one man to discover the answer to his entire existence. Jacob Frye, a 33-year-old accountant from Glendale, had been eating with his family at Big Joe’s Crabs on Baseline Road, when he was in the … Continue reading Bathroom Graffiti Leads To Existential Breakthrough

Missing Dog Flyer Goes Completely Ignored

Photo by Sam Lion on Pexels.com When 8 year old Timmy Hutchins posted a flyer of his missing dog, a wiry-haired Border Terrier by the name of Bandit, he was filled with hope that his best friend would eventually return to him. Six weeks and three days later, the flyer that hangs from a utility … Continue reading Missing Dog Flyer Goes Completely Ignored

Three Killed In Care Bear Melee

Photo by LT Chan on Pexels.com What started as a quiet day for employees of Midway Credit Union quickly turned to chaos when Pro Life and Pro Choice protesters clashed. The melee, which lasted for approximately 20 minutes and accounted for $3,000 in damage, was allegedly started by a group of well-intentioned Care Bears. The … Continue reading Three Killed In Care Bear Melee

New Study Suggests Your Pets Not Actually Children

Photo by Lum3n on Pexels.com In a shocking study released by Arizona State University on Monday, researchers suggested that your pets may not actually be children. The consensus has attracted criticism from pet owners and scientists alike, who have nothing else tethering them to a fundamental reality outside of the intellectually-vacant ball of fur waiting … Continue reading New Study Suggests Your Pets Not Actually Children

Satan Uncomfortable With Overwhelming Success

Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels.com In a candid one-on-one interview, Satan, the prince of darkness and ruler of all seven circles of Hell, confirmed that he is uncomfortable with the overwhelming success he’s acheived in the realm of mortals. While his influence had always been prevalent, he has confirmed that he feels “insecure” regarding … Continue reading Satan Uncomfortable With Overwhelming Success

St. Jude Children’s Hospital To Host “Little Miss Cancer Pageant”

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com Earlier today, St. Jude Children’s Hospital confirmed that they will be debuting their much anticipated “Little Miss Cancer Pageant”. Children under the age of sixteen are encouraged to sign up prior to the December 1st deadline, so long as they are stricken with a potentially fatal and catastrophic disease. … Continue reading St. Jude Children’s Hospital To Host “Little Miss Cancer Pageant”

Experts Confirm Kim Jong-Un Once Adorable Asian Baby

Photo by Min An on Pexels.com Earlier this morning, White House officials addressed the nation in a press conference and confirmed that Kim Jong-Un, leader of the most tyrannical government in the world, was once an adorable Asian baby. The shocking evidence disproves the commonly held belief that the dictator had emerged from the pits … Continue reading Experts Confirm Kim Jong-Un Once Adorable Asian Baby